pengalaman pertama mengaji

i was once a student... pertama kali blaja ngaji... dengan org yg garang tanpa belas kasihan... bile ngaji... salah satu huruf.. kne rotan berbilai... satu huruf taw... adik aku yg baru nk msuk tadika.. xpernah blaja pape... xtaw pape... abc pon xtaw lagi... pon kene rotan cara yg sama... bile dye bad mood.. kite yg kena...  setiap kali nk pegi ngaji... berderau darah... balik ngaji mesti nangis... mase kecik terima je org buat ape... xfaham kan... dalam hati fikir... mungkin mmg mcm nie belajar ngaji... memang salah kite... tahan je...

lambat datang... kne berdiri... cuti satu hari... xkirelah sbb ape pon... sakit ke ade hal ke... pon kena berdiri... kene jeling2... kene sindir2...  malu nye dengan kawan2 lain.. padahal dye bukan xtaw... kami dtg lmbt start kami pindah rumah... jalan kaki 3 beradik.. dr masjid tu... smpai blakang klinik kerajaan setiap petang... utk pegi ngaji kt rumah dye...  but she refused to listen to any of that... its our fault... kami yg dajal! yup.. she called us dajal... sbb kami cuti ngaji satu hari... and her mom.. just sat there.. not saying anything... as if we deserved everything.. u tell me.. i was seven.. my sister was 5... time dye memaki hamun tu.. kami diam dan nangis... we were kids... what could we have done to deserved that??! Dajal.. thats her word...  i remember everything... i was 7 back then... and i remember everything.. until now...  at 24 i still cried myself to sleep when i think of that... i still do.. sampai skang... kenapa sampai macam tu?? kenapa seorang manusia..boleh jadi kejam sampai macam tu kat budak2? how could u do something like that to us?? to anyone...

if org yg xtaw.. org igt aku besar2 kn cerita.. but believe me.. i wasn't.. u can ask any of my siblings about it..they will tell u the exact same thing... sampai satu tahap.. dah xtahan... mak njang dtg confront dye...and i saw everything... she blamed us for everything... kami yg xpandai baca... baca salah2.. menyusahkan dia.. kami datang lambat... menyusahkan dia..

but u tell me... i came to her.. utk belajar... because i want to learn... sebab kami xtaw.. sebab tu kami belajar... salah sangat ke kalau salah sebut satu huruf.. kau kan cikgu... kau betulkanlah lah kesalahan tu...ajar... bukan hukum!

lepas berhenti.. mak carikkn cikgu ngaji lain.. and remembering her.. (cikgu ngaji baru tu) makes me cried... baiknya dye berbanding yg dulu... setiap hari excited.. tertunggu2.. xsabar nak pergi ngaji.. it was the end of our suffering.. the end of being scared.. and the end of being sad..  kami belajar dengan cik ina.. smpai khatam.. and aku xpernah lupa segalanya... terima kasih cik ina...

now.. i am at her place..  aku ajar anak2  jiran mengaji.. i still cannot relate to what she's done.. i can never think of anything that my students could hv done to make me act like she did.. says what she said... i could never do that to my student or anyone.. i promised myself that i will never do that to anyone.. ever.. i can never put anyone through that...through what we've been through before...

normal lah... budak baru belajar..  mesti ade salah... tersasul..  as a teacher.. betulkan... ajar... thats your job... bukan menghukum tanpa belas..  bukan memaki tanpa fikiran... remember.. semua yg kau buat... ditulis.. ape yg kau buat tu betul.. pahala banyak.. mengajar orang ngaji.. besar pahala... tapi cara kau tu... 

untuk kak su... aku xtaw kau ingat lagi x kat aku.. nada.. ngan kak long... but if kau ingat... just remember this... i remember everything that u hv done to us! aku ingat semua... and dalam hati aku... xde sikit pon maaf untuk kau... even india mabuk yg langgar aku dulu.. smpai aku msok hospital... n sebabkan kaki aku berparut sampai sekarang pon aku maafkan... kalau jumpa.. aku boleh senyum lagi kat dye..  but untuk kau.. xde tu semua.. aku xde ape2 untuk kau... semua yg kau buat pada aku dan adik beradik aku.. aku akan ingat smpai bila2... i will always hate u..   even if its the last thing i'll do...