Monday, April 18, 2011

i used to be really gud at this..(WARNING: ENTRY PANJANG BERJELA!)

tarik nafas dalam2...



ok... today,since i cant write anymore stuff.. i want to share something with you guys... u know.. i used to be good at this... expressing my feeling through writing... because i'm t0o paranoid to tell anyone about what i feel.. too scared to trust anyone with my secret.. so, i choose to write.. a lot.. 3-4 buku diari dalam setahun... i even write poems u know.. hahaha... not poemla...

i'm not emily dickinson 

or shakespeare..

i just.. write what i feel..

  so, tadi, aku saje2 la bukak ms... boring kan..hehe.. tapi nak bukak... da lpe password plak... da kne perah balik otak yang da agak kering nie... apela ek... then, cube2.. beberape perkataan.. bwula dpt bkak.. hehehe... then bukak.. terperanjatkan tgk ms da lain.. yela.. da betaon aku tak bukak... everything change.. sampai dah xbrape paham dah.. so, tekan2... kuarla blog yg lme uh... kt ms kan ade blog... so, bace la hasil tulisan sendiri... this is it...

bosan dgn semua,
bosan dgn orang sekeliling,
bosan dgn manusia2 yg menyakitkan aty,
bosan waiting 4 HIM,
bosan dgn mereke2 yg ske memainkn hati dan prasaan,
bosan dgn diri,
bosan dgn idop,
tp xnak mati lagi...

penat dgn semua,
penat otak sebab byk berfikir,
penat mate sbb byk tgk tv,
penat mulot sbb byk bercakap,
penat prasaan sbb asyik kecewa,
penat dgn diri,
penat dgn idop,
tp xnak mati lagi...

sedih dgn semua,
sedih tengok mak ngan abah penat kje,
sedih tgk org sekeliling,
sedih tgk BERSAMAMU,
sedih dgn diri.
sdih dgn idop,
tp xnak mati lagi..

marah dgn semua!
marah dgn DYE. LEMBAB!
marah dgn pakcik teksi td,
marah dgn ms, lembab!
marah dgn diri,
marah dgn idop,
tp xnak mati lagi..

bosan,penat,sedih, marah...
semua -ve,
semua aku xnak,
semua aku x suke,
tapi semua aku rase...

bosan, penat, sedih, marah,
prasaan aku skang,
troknye aku!!
troknye care aku gmbrkan prasaan aku,
tapi nak wat cane,
dah tu yg aku rase..

bosan,penat, sdeyh, dan marah!
semua aku xnak!
Semua aku x suke!
itu xnak,
ini xnak!
then, ape yg aku nak???
anybody pliz help me...
tell me what i want...

one thing yang im really sure about!
aku blom nak mati lagi!!!!

and this:

the one who i love..
the one who loves me..
the one who i think i love..
the one who think he loves me..
banyak kategori,
mcm2..sampai jadi complicated..
tapi dalam banyak2 tu..
knape tak de yg "the one who love me as much as i love him"....
susah.. sedih.. menyakitkan.. pathetic.... huh..

the one who i love...
he.. sucks!!!!!!!!! he... used to be my... but that was then.. skang..
he is damn happy with his new gf..leaving me in the most pathetic way i
can ever be...da setaon... aku still can't get rid of him from my system...
huh!! mane taknye... how can i forget him if he keeps coming in my life..
i told him to stay away from me.. but he didn't... he keeps calling me.. and texting..
not everday.. but once a week macam tula.. and that's disturbing.. because i'm trying to forget about my feeling towards him.. tapi kaw dye wat camtu.. how am i ever going to succeed..
i'm still trying.. and i try soo hard... i want to move on... but not just yet...
blom lagi..aku tak sedia lagi...nantila...

the one who loves me.. word... SORRY...i can't accept your love because i'm not ready yet.. and unfortunately..
i don't love you either.. i know i might had said things that might hurt you... but it's better that way..snang sket ko nak lpekan aku.. and you can hate me if u want.. it's me...

the one who i think i love...
hmm... its interesting... i like thinking about him.. his life... his feeling.. what he had to do in
his life... i think it must be hard for him... and that's what making him interesting.. i have so many
question to ask him.. how he deal with his life..and plus... dye sangat selese orgnye... when i say selesa..
i mean it...!! huhuhu... interesting guy to talk to... and get to know... but sometimes a bit hard to read..and its frustrating....

the one who think he loves me...
huh!! nie lagi... hopeless!!! aku da xckp... sblom kapel pkir dlu btol2...
tnye dri btol2 whether he loves me or not.. and dgn pnoh confidentnye ckp.. yes, i do love you syg..
then,ble da kapel.. menggatal ngan org len plak... ayam btol! huh.. apela.. seb baek kapel jap je..
takla rase sgt.. huh!! xpasal2 dapat title ex aku..apela...

yg xdew dlm list...
the one who love me as much as i love him..
hmm.. ntahla... xtaw.. who..when will i met him... how is he like... xtaw.. tunggu jela....

so, guys.. this is  what 17 years old me wrote...hahaha...ble bace2 balik... hmm.. nothing really change...i'm still a very unhappy teenager...

hmm.. cane tuh.. hmm. nak pegi mengenang nasib... bye2!

with love,

Sunday, April 17, 2011

i can't write...

i can't brain is disconnected with my fingers...   

sorry guys, got to find a way to solve this first...

with love,

Friday, April 15, 2011

i cant tell you how i feel.. but i can show u...

i can't explain my feeling now...
but i can show you...
this time.. 
let this pictures talk on my behalf...


 get it?? 
i'm in pain..